(Molly has been attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry in Redding, California since September 2015)
For two weeks, I got to fly home for the Christmas holidays. It was such an amazing time spent with friends and family and a much needed time of refreshment. As much as I love being here at school, it can be so emotionally exhausting, you just need to get away and relax!
Over this time, and in the weeks before, the Lord was really speaking to me about a particular topic and how it had been affecting me in school. I have always had a severe fear of judgement/man. I’ve always been consumed with what other people might think of me and when I say this, I mean it became crippling at times! As a result, it prevents me from doing normal, everyday things. Before BSSM, it just meant that I would become extremely anxious at the thought of having to perform/speak or act etc, in front of others. Now at school, it’s meant that I have put off praying or prophesying for others. This has really gotten to me because everything within me wants to be comfortable with praying for people. I want to be confident in my prophetic ability but that small voice still remains in the back of my head, saying “what if this makes no sense, what if it sounds stupid?”.
Part of our schedule at school is a ‘City Service’ that we have to partake in every Thursday, Friday or Saturday. The group I work with go door knocking in a town half an hour from Redding. We literally go round to random people’s houses to ask if we can pray for them or help them in any way. Now the helping bit isn’t so bad, but then you come to the whole ‘praying for random people’ bit. Because if praying for other christians within the school wasn’t uncomfortable enough, you can go do it to random people, who most of the time don’t really know what your talking about! I make it sound a lot worse than it really is, but you see my point. It’s really not my cup of tea! I’ve actually taken a backseat role pretty much everyweek of my city service and never gotten involved because this fear is so crippling. Since being at school, I have actually already seen a massive improvement in my confidence in general. I’ve already had major breakthroughs in this area, but this is one that still needs some work.
This is when the Lord really showed me how freaking amazing he is. Over the break, I got a revelation about my attitude towards my city service. Here it is – It isn’t about me. It’s really not about me. I can mess up as much as I want. I can forget what I was going to say, stumble on my words, get flustered, scared or nervous but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t going to and can’t work in the people I encounter. Did I really think that the way I present myself or whether I give a perfect speech, determines whether or not God is going to move? At the end of the day, all I am doing is spreading the love of the Father and I’m guaranteed to do that every time because I carry it with me wherever I go! Anything that happens after that is all down to how gracious, merciful and loving our God is! We don’t need to be worried or fearful of how other people will react! One of our leaders here at school said ‘it’s impossible to pray and for nothing to happen’. I love that! I can give the worst prayer I’ve ever given and it’s going to be just as powerful as the ones given by some of our world leaders! God doesn’t care how well you articulated or how fancy your words were, he loves to meet us where we are. This has completely changed my mindset on how I approach situations like my city service. I’ve become excited to meet the people in our local town and I’m excited for the opportunity to be on the ministry team at school!